How can i stop this dishonorable behavior?

I too suffer from bpd, have for about 35 years. I have very few friends and have had many relationships that usually dont last too long. I figure I can hardly put up with myself, how can i expect someone else to. But... I have found something that does help me. Giving to others. I work as a caregiver for seniors, I forget about my problems and feel very good inside when I help them. What better way to help our self esteem than to do good for others. You say you don't work, i have found that the times i have been unemployed have been the worst in my life. Get out, volunteer, there are many opportunities, some very simple. The good thing about volunteering is that if you cannot make it, you will not get fired. I highly recommend this, there are so many opportunities to help others, and remember, what we give comes back to us tenfold