How can God forgive everything I've done? there is to much?

I have done some really awful things in my life-some of which I cannot even bear to write out. Just know that I have committed some of the ultimate betrayal sins-things that I know have hurt so many people SO much-People I loved-People that trusted me-People I pledged my life to-it is really to much and everyday my soul gets more and more troubled. I feel like God is sitting up there waiting to crush me like an insect! I do not-and have not ever felt God's Love. If there were a way to go to these people and apologize I would. I did apologize to one of them-and it was accepted but the other people involved would never hear it-never accept it-and never get past it. I know the hurt I have caused and I would give anything to be able to go to them and let them know that I now realize what I did and at the time, everything was just so crazy it was hard to see the pain everyone was in-I would love to tell them I am sorry-but they would never hear it and it would just turn physical and I don't want that. I hate that I justified what I had done by pointing out what everybody else had done! Typical religious hypocrite!! I want to tell them that never thought it would turn out like this-I got in over my head BIG TIME- More than once! I just want to feel forgiven. I don't want to lay awake at night anymore and feel the remorse and regret and the guilt I feel. Don't get me wrong-I am sure these feelings are a good sign that I am not a heartless person. But it seems that way-I need to get this off of me-But HOW-HOW-HOW can God forgive me for SO much?? I am a Christian-which makes what I have done so much more horrible!! I knew better!!